Marriage is a pretty major step, so there are tons of things you’ll need to consider before you say “I do.” Not sure where to start? Fair enough…Try these 100 questions to ask before marriage.
Each question is designed to make sure you know what you’re getting into before you sign that “love you for life!” contract. “Different values can cause conflict,” says Janet Brito, PhD, a clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist. That’s why it’s super important to discuss everything as early as you can to make sure you’re both truly compatible.
Still with me? It’s time to get into the nitty-gritty. Keep reading for 100 expert-approved questions to ask before marriage. You won’t regret it.
Deeper questions in a minute. For now, let’s start with some easy ones to get you warmed up. And btw, just because they’re on the simpler side doesn’t mean they’re any less important. You need to know your partner before you marry them!
Your values tend to be somewhat fixed, says Chloe Carmichael, PhD, a relationship therapist and author of Dr. Chloe’s 10 Commandments of Dating. Yes, they can potentially change over time, but if you’ve met your partner during adulthood it’s unlikely that you’ll see much of shift in their moral attitudes going forward. That’s why it’s important to make sure you’re on the same page—these personal values shape most life choices, Carmichael explains.
Children impact just about every aspect of your relationship, says Emily Jamea, PhD, a sex and relationships therapist. “They force you to address your budget, lifestyle, career, and where you live,” she explains. “Those tiny, sweet humans have the power to wreak havoc on a weak marriage and bring utter joy to a healthy marriage, so it’s important to talk through the anticipated impact that children will have.” Here’s exactly what you should keep in mind.
“Lifestyle and career goals are much easier to attain and enjoy if your partner shares them,” says Carmichael. “The word ‘partners’ implies that two people are working together toward a common goal.” Are you and your partner on the same page when it comes to your careers? Consider these questions before you make any big-time decisions.
Couples should discuss their overall lifestyle, too: time alone, together, with family, and engaged in hobbies. “Doing so will help ensure a mutual feeling of support and shared meaning in life,” Jamea explains. So yeah, not being on the same page about the kind of life you want to lead is a recipe for trouble.
Your sex life requires special attention and should be given the weight it deserves in your relationship, says Gigi Engle, resident Womanizer sexologist and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life. That means being willing to communicate with each other about your intimate needs, not being afraid to spice things up when necessary, and carving out the appropriate amount of time for sex that works for you both, she explains.
If you’re aligned on everything above, talking through things shouldn’t be all that hard…but conflict will come up over the course of a marriage. That’s why communication is so, so important.
After reading through and answering these questions, you should be able to make an informed decision about starting a life with your partner. And if you don’t know the answer to any of these questions, use it as a conversation starter with your S.O….good luck!
This article originally appeared on Women’s Health US.
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