You Can Still Send Someone a Chocolate Penis This Holiday Season

Once the glow of a Black Friday deal has faded, shopping for holiday gifts is hard. And it’s especially difficult to find the perfect gift for your friends, lovers or weird relative that really gets to the heart and soul of all the things you want to say to them at this time of year: Like “Eat a dick.”

Dick At Your Door, a mail order prank, gag gift and novelty outfit out of San Diego, California, helps you do just that. They have a range of dicks for all seasons and occasions, so you can send a festive five-inch-long edible phallus to your nearest and dearest to celebrate a birthday, valentines day or a just-because sort of deal.

For a raunchy holiday affair, though, their vegan chocolate Christmas Cock is the clear MVP — and you can send it anonymously or with a note owning up to the prank for the very affordable $24.99.

“Perfect for white elephant parties, office gatherings, stocking stuffers, or just to tell someone to “eat a dick”, these chocolate ding dongs can be sent in the mail anonymously or given in person so you can see their reaction,” according to their website. “Tis the season to get some dick!”

As they say on their site, the product was originally developed as a way to anonymously tell friends (and anyone else it wouldn’t be creepy or off-putting to send to) to “‘eat a dick’ without the repercussions.”  Of course, it’s your responsibility to use your prank gifting powers responsibly (i.e. don’t be a dick) and not send a chocolate penis to someone who’d be offended or feel harassed or uncomfy. Don’t be that guy. We hate that guy.

In addition to their phallic fare, you can also pick up some of their everlasting prank greeting cards for more holiday fun.

There’s the Never Ending Cat Christmas Card that wishes you a “Meowy Christmas” with a four-hour long cat Christmas Carol serenading you into insanity. Probably fun for the kids, torture for everyone else, you can only make the noise end when you tear the whole thing apart (getting a messy, glittery surprise for your troubles.)

Buy:

Meowy Christmas – The Never Ending Cat Christmas…

$12.99

buy it

And, if you want to stick with the NSFW brand, there’s also a season’s greetings card that unleashes a litany of filthy moans that only get louder the more you try and silence them. Again, the only way to make it all end is to rip the offending card to shreds and get glitter bombed. (And you can just buy a glitter bomb separately, if that’s what your evil heart desires.)

Buy:

Everlasting Moan Card – Holiday 2019 Edition

$12.99

buy it

Because the holidays are approaching fast (yikes), the Dick at Your Door Team says that all U.S.-based orders meant for Christmas Delivery need to be in by December 18 for first class and December 19 for priority shipping to make it in time. So move fast, if this is the holiday bit you want to commit to this year.

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